I feel so unsure. I have no idea what I am doing.

Seeing as I am not much of a planner, that usually isn't an issue. But, I don't know at all. Not what I am doing, where I am going. Nothing.

Sure, I have things that I would like to do. But, I can't bring myself to even call them goals. To me they seem unattainable. Like some one in my position could never get there, which makes it so hard to even try.

I have been created for a purpose. So, what is it? I can't see it. I am not influencing any one for God right now. I am not progressing in art. My major is in a field that I do not want to enter vocationally. What am I doing with my time?

I don't feel stagnant (YHWH knows I have been there before). I feel more like I am wandering aimlessly.

Pointlessly. No rhyme or reason guiding my path. There is no path. Only places to climb up and down. To go around, over, under, thru...

I wish I could see the path. Even the beginning of the path. Then I could follow it. Know that I am going, doing.

Are we ever called to wander? Not like this. I need guidance. I need to know where my next footstep should be.

I Know

I ache.

Thoughts put in my head

That should not matter now.

I tire.

I need Your Hand

Of patience once more.

I pine.

May my longing be

From Your Heart, not mine.

I hear.

Words that may from

Jealousy be sown.

I wonder.

It is not up to me

To know at this time.

I guard.

My heart is meant

for You, God.

I remember.

To ask You in

Matters unknown.

I listen.

To hear Your Words,

Your longing.

I wait.

For You to reveal.

For You to be glorified.

God, teach me...

YHWH, please teach me how to pray for those who live such broken lives that their hearts are hard. That nothing touches them. I don't know how... Please teach me how to pray for them...

Love Encounter

A love so strong.

It makes me want to fight.

To fight for You.

To protect Your Name.

Your honour.  Your Love.

Power surrounding me,

Revealing the purity of this Love.

No other will ever come close.

May no other try to compare.

Compare with this burning Fire.

This Passion, unquenchable.

A raging in my soul.

May it overflow.

May it spill into others.

May they come to know

This Matchless Love.

A love encounter with God is a life changed.

It is a life never the same...

Vapors

I went on a journey.

Testing mistakes.

Wanting to see if their outcome escaped consequence for me.

Why did I push y pull

At the boundaries God had set forth?

Did I think myself above His wisdom?

In truth, I must have.

In foolish truth, I did.

I go on a journey.

Searching wisdom.

With all my heart.  Mind, will, y emotions seeking.

What is there for us

Under heaven, on earth for us to do?

But, seek God in fullness.  Nearing completion.

Not here.  Not yet.

But one day soon.

Broken Dreams

A dream-like state.

Even in this trance of mine.

Thought after thought

Stumbling thru my mind.

Whispers of a broken dream

Seeking to tear me, rip me apart.

Hold the pieces in my hand.

They won't fall away,

But glitter in the Son.

Shine in this Light,

Deeper than the dark.

In Vain

Another word.  Another glance.

They throw what they think

Is an "all-knowing" look my way.

They imagine that which

Might begin to capture my heart.

What they do not see

Is that my heart is already held.

To say otherwise would

Mislead and misguide.

Do they not see the depth?

If they saw the depth,

They would not ask,

Would not imagine another there.

Commitment, even if unreturned,

Is commitment still.

Only the captivation of my heart

By You, o God, keeps me sane,

Keeps me from losing all

Sense of gain, in this broken love.

I stand firm in what I know

To be true.  True in You.

Your Love for me gives me hope

That my love, though alone,

Is not in vain.

There is some thing higher in that.

More real and life-giving... in that.

Not in vain.  Never in vain.

And, now I lay this love on You.

The maker of all things

Not in vain.